and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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