Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
