Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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