:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
