oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize