i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
