my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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