I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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