he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Be still, my beating vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
