are you still at the devil's house?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
