We won't sleep together?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
