Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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