just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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