Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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