I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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