Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
