i was born a porn star she said
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
