i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
