Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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