The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
