I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
