how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
