Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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