You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
