how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
