So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
