I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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