Soap is not a condiment
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
