you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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