a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
These tits shall not be calmed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
PANTIES FOUND
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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