i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
