so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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