At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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