dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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