NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize