is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
