for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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