he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize