$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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