the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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