i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
