4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
