The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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