i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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