Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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