i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
