he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
