i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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