Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
