Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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