i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
