i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
