We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
