why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
