There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
