What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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