Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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