maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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