You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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