i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
