That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
