Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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