i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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