I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
