What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
