I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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