i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
