So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
