If i could tip my vagina, i would.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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