you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
