maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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