That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize