Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
