I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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