oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize