belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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